More achievement stuff and general ranting

Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna add one little thing to that last entry: the number one reason for why I won't farm any achievements, even if it costs me the Übersaw.

I don't want to screw up my stats. I like looking at my stats and it's great to feel like I've actually got better every time I break my previous record for kills or healing or longest life or something. So if I suddenly have the highest life measuring in hours and max kills of fifty or something... that would suck. Then I would never again feel like I've got any better.
And yeah, I'm a total stats whore (if you haven't noticed!), I stare at my own stats waaay too often. The stats parser is my best friend. So I don't want to ruin that for me.

I know there's a lot of whining going on about the new weapon unlockables being tied to achievements that basically promote "acting like an idiot" and thus ruining the game for others. With that in mind I am kinda starting to resent Valve's decision to handle the unlockables this way... don't get me wrong, I don't mind the weapons being tied to achievements (and I like getting achievements, I think it's fun), it's just that some of the achievements are, face it, pretty stupid.
Yesterday was probably the first time I actually saw a Medic act like a total idiot. He didn't ruin things for the rest of us (we had two capable Medics to balance him out, but still we were basically playing 11 to 12), but it was still kinda annoying trying to yell for a heal and this idiot just kept trying to kill people and taunt.
Note to self: do not try to get Autopsy Report in the heat of a battle.
Then again, I did something that constitutes as "acting like an idiot" yesterday too, but uh, it kinda had nothing to do with the achievements. I was just being an idiot on my own accord. I DID get some progress for Peer Review for it, but now that I think about it, I have no idea what the hell was going through my mind then. So, Gold Rush, first stage, final checkpoint. I was defending, and I get out of the respawn and saw an übered Demo rushing towards me and up the stairs to get on top of our respawn building. So I followed. And bonesawed the Medic. And felt really good about myself, until I heard "the cart is nearing the checkpoint!" and got killed just in time to spectate as BLU wins the round. Ehhhh. So I could've been there to keep our Soldiers and Demos going instead of chasing down a Demo-Medic combo who were apparently trying to take down our Snipers. A horrible miscalculation on my part. This is why I don't go combat Medic on Gold Rush or Dustbowl or Gravel Pit. I always have better things to do than kill someone.

But yeah, I was about to say that sure, some of the achievements basically tell you to fuck teamwork and be a drag to your team, but face it: some of the achievements cause the exact opposite. Some of the achievements actually make you a good Medic.
For example, Grand Rounds. I see far too many Medics sticking to that one Heavy like they're Siamese twins or something, and nothing annoys me more than trying to get a heal and the Medic is basically glued to some other dude. Especially if I'm playing as Medic too.
Infernal Medicine. I got it yesterday (hee, I got it when I extinguished Slaverstrike), and that really didn't take very long to get.
But both of those achievements made me do my job a little bit better: I tried to heal everyone calling for Medic (except when my primary target was under heavy fire and I deemed it would be more useful to keep him alive than to fuck him and go heal the lone Soldier in the other side of the map - besides, another Medic would probably get him before I do), and I also tried to extinguish everyone whenever they were on fire. Especially other Medics.
And oh yeah, I'm 11 heals away from getting Grand Rounds, so consider that one done.
And First Do No Harm promotes being a good Medic and doing your job (and I find it extremely amusing how most of the people who have farmed achievements don't have this. HAR HAR). As well as Trauma Queen and Group Health and Double Blind Trial and Intern and Ubi Concordia, Ibi Victoria, which are just basically doing what Medics are supposed to do. Big Pharma and Specialist are taking it a bit overboard, but at least trying to get them teaches you to survive and stay alive and keep your healing target(s) alive. Which is what I should be practicing.

So stop whining about the achievements. If you can't get some of them by playing normally, I have to think that you're a rotten Medic, and thus should go back to playing Soldier and stop feeling butthurt about not getting everything on a golden platter. What the hell would you do with Medic weapons if you don't even play that much as Medic?! You having the Kritzkrieg would mean just one idiot Medic more who just doesn't know when to use it!
I know I won't be getting any Demoman or Scout unlockables once they come out, and whine about the achievements being hard. Because I don't play as Demo or Scout. I don't care. Why should you? No wonder you whine about the MMORPG grinding aspects, you are the one making it a matter of grinding.

Also I don't know what everyone's whining about "too many Medics on every server," because I'm playing on public servers and only remember having an overabundance of Medics on two or three different occassions (okay, last night we started a 12 on 12 match on Dustbowl with only Soldiers and Medics in our team. THAT was horrible. I was a Soldier, btw, and got the only Medic with the Kritzkrieg, hee hee). Change servers, kthxbai, it's not that hard! Or talk to the admin about restricting the amount of Medics to the max of two or three.

Rant rant rant. Okay. I'm just getting so tired of basement-dwelling fanboys whining about every single thing. Yes, I do get the irony. Except that I'm not a basement-dwelling fanboy. Sry2say.

And what IS it with these jealous Medics?! Okay, I get it, you want in on the fun and our Heavy buddy is on top of the scoreboard, but Jesus Christ why do you stick to the same guy I'm sticking to, while there are people yelling for Medic in the direction from where you came from?! Sure, I don't mind, you can have the Heavy and I'll go heal the others, but WHOA. First come first serve, I think.
(Btw, if it's points you're after, you get so much more from actual healing than those precious assists, just sayin'.)
And for fuck's sake, Medic, don't heal the same guy I'm healing during the setup! Goddamn these noobs (or idiots, whatever) are starting to get to me.

Sorry, I'm talking a lot about Medics these days. I could tell you about how absolutely fucking scared I am of (good) Snipers, and how I should be playing more as Pyro now that there are Medics everywhere (I did it yesterday on Well and HEE HEE burning Medic flesh, everywhere), but I'll save those stories for later. I think I'm coming to a stop with the achievements pretty soon, so I'll have to come up with something else to talk about.

Medic achievements and unlockables

Okay, right, huge news day.

First the final Medic unlockables were revealed. Then there were actual hands-on impressions about the said unlockables and Goldrush.
And just now, the actual Medic achievements were unveiled.

I've been giddy the whole day, first figuring out if I like the sound of the new unlockable weapons and deciding that I really, really like Blutsauger and want to have it as my new best friend. And now I'm despairing over the fact that I'm going to be lucky if I even get the damn weapon. The achievements are sadistic!

Well, anyway. Cue my long-winded thoughts on the unlockables and achievements.

So like I said, the Blutsauger will probably be my new best friend. I won't even look back at the good old syringe gun once I get my eager little hands on the new bloodsucker. I figure it will support my cowardish Medicing playstyle pretty perfectly.
And I'm probably going to hate the Critzkrieg. I have a hard time staying alive as a Medic, so I'll definitely prefer übercharges over a few seconds of continuous crits but being completely vulnerable. And I'm going to hate it whenever an enemy Medic launches his critzkrieg, as if I wasn't a bad enough crit magnet before!
Well at least I don't have to worry about it too much, because I'll probably never even get the weapon. Ha!
The Übersaw is a bit DO WANT, but first of all it's impossible (for me) to get, and I'm not that badass a combat Medic. I'm not a combat Medic at all (I just lost a Medic vs. Medic bonesaw deathmatch in Gravel Pit yesterday, so...), but even I'd venture out to bonesaw people if it meant getting an über faster. But yeah, never gonna get it.

I was also a bit scared if the new unlockables will screw up the class balance (since Medic is the only class to get new weapons for now), but to me it seems that the unlockable weapons will only support different ways of playing the Medic. Combat Medics will surely appreciate the Übersaw, and those who rather heal people than fight and strive to survive, will find Blutsauger perfect. Critzkrieg is an interesting counterpart to the übercharge, that's for sure, and gives more of a tactical twist to playing the Medic (when to have übercharge, and when critzkrieg? I understand you can change weapons during respawn and in resupply? Just like you'd chance a class), although I can't quite figure how I'D use it to my (or rather my team's) advantage.

And what I find great about the achievements, is that a player who only plays combat Medic will NEVER get the Übersaw of their dreams. Achievements are pretty well balanced, there are some geared towards combat Medics, and some geared towards those who actually do what Medics are supposed to (ie. healing). To get all of the achievements and be worthy of the unlockables, you have to be a well-rounded Medic who's both a teamworking healer and a total badass killing machine. That's awesome, I think.
And I don't think having the Übersaw (or Critzkrieg, and definitely not Blutsauger) tips the balance. Only the real hardcore players will get it, and they will probably play with people who are close to their own level of skill. I don't think I'll be seeing any Übersaws on any of my regular servers...
Yeah, sure, I know, of course some people will get the achievements through setup games, or using bots and keybinds on playtest servers.

I'm not too happy about the slight MMORPG GRINDING aspect this is adding to my cheerful little team-based FPS, but I figure the Übersaw doesn't change the gameplay so much that a team is automatically screwed if the enemy Medic has it, so you don't have to get it to be a good Medic. If you really want it, you'll have to grind, that's how it goes.

And now, the achievements. This is gonna be hella annoying to read, but I'll just repost some of the achievements and add my thoughts.

1. First Do No Harm: Play a full round without killing any enemies and score the highest on a team of 6 or more players.
- Easily done. I don't really kill people as Medic anyhow, so it's easy to just hold myself back if I do get assaulted by noobish Spies. And I've been on top of the scoreboard as a Medic before, so this is going to be somewhat of a cakewalk. Definitely not too hard. With lots of Medics around, though...

3. Group Health: Work with 2 other medics to deploy 3 simultaneous uber-charges.
- I suspect servers will be full of Medics for the next few weeks, so probably you don't even have to coordinate this. Sigh.

5. Trauma Queen: Deploy 3 uber-charges in less than 5 minutes, and assist in 5 kills during that time.
- Tricky, because I can't bleeding stay alive for three consecutive übers. 3 übers is actually my record, that's how long I can stay alive. And it's almost always on Dustbowl Stage Three, playing in BLU. Five assists is going to be very easy. And lol at Trauma Queen, awesome name.

7. Play Doctor: In a team with no medics, be first to switch to medic after a teammate calls "Medic!" and then heal 500 health.
- Oh god, I can imagine the whole fucking team going Medic at once. Sheer luck. Also, a team with no Medics? After this update? HAHAHA OH WOW. Dream on. Will take some time, this one, I figure. :D

8. Triage: Deploy an uber-charge on a teammate less than a second before they're hit by a critical explosive.
- I'll probably get this without even realising it. Or then I'll just keep my eyes open for crits whenever I have a full charge. My crit-magnetism should come in handy, har de har har.

10. Consultation: Assist a fellow medic in killing 5 enemies in a single life.
- I've been assisting some bonesawing combat Medics before pretty randomly, but to stick to one? I wonder where I'll find a badass-enough Medic. I wonder if Slaverstrike can pull it off...

11. Does It Hurt When I Do This?: Kill 50 scouts with your syringe gun.
- I heard there was going to be a "kill Scouts with syringes" achievement and my face went ":D!" because I've actually killed quite a lot of Scouts with syringes (I own Scouts better as Medic than as Soldier...). And then my face went "D:!" when I actually saw that it's 50 fucking Scouts. Right. It's gonna take forever. I have 120 kills as a Medic as of now, and maybe 15 of them are Scouts, 'nuff said.

12. Peer Review: Kill 50 medics with your bone saw.
- And I just lost a Medic vs. Medic melée match. Goddamn...

13. Big Pharma: Assist a heavy in killing 30 enemies where neither of you die.
- SLAVERSTRIKE, WE HAVE SOME BUSINESS TO DO. No deaths. Mindless killing only. Final destination.
Oh I only wish it was so easy and I were that good...

14. You'll Feel A Little Prick: Assist in killing 4 enemies with single uber-charge on a scout.
- I COULD DO THIS WHEN I'M DRUNK. Since I seem to be so fond of Scouts under the influence.

16. Blast Assist: Assist in exploding 5 enemies with a single uber-charge on a soldier.
- Only thing I can say is: MEDICS, don't über ME when you want this achievement.

18. Medical Breakthrough: Assist in destroying 8 enemy engineer buildings with a single uber-charge on a Demoman.
- Seriously, where the HELL can you find a sentry nest like that? D: Even the usually so insane sentry nests on Dustbowl's Stage Two's last point are rarely so large! But yeah, Slaverstrike, you're going to help me with this one too at some point, right? :/

19. Midwife Crisis: Heal an engineer as he repairs his sentry while it's under enemy fire.
- Lol at the name. And as far as achievements go, this one should be a cakewalk.

21. Grand Rounds: Heal 200 teammates after they've called for "Medic!"
- People just need to remember to call for Medics (I actually very rarely call for Medic when I play as Soldier or Pyro. I don't know why, maybe I feel a bit embarrassed wanting to take their time. And I'm afraid they'd stick to me and I'd get them killed, but yeah... I usually head for medkits instead. And now as I think of it, that's really stupid of me, and makes absolutely no sense. What kind of Medic WOULDN'T heal me when I call? And from now on I'll definitely always call for Medics! Help them get the achievement, yes!), and this should be fairly easy to get. At least I always heal everyone in need, I don't stick to just one person unless we're charging.

23. Doctor Assisted Homicide: Assist in killing 20 nemesis.
- Dammit, this would've been so much easier to get back in January when people actually dominated me! I don't really get dominated these days, not as Medic anyhow. I die a lot, but apparently not by the same people, at least not without me getting an assist on them before they can dominate me.
EDIT: And I realised only now that it's possibly assisting in other players' revenge kills, not getting your own revenges. And that makes so much more sense, actually. I'm slow. :nyoro~n:

24. Placebo Effect: Kill 5 enemies in a single life while having your uber-charge ready, but undeployed.
- Oh wow. I've never even killed five enemies in a single life (my record's two, ehh). People are gonna hate Medics when they try to get this. "Alright, I have a charge, I'mma go kill some people now!" "CHROME WE NEED TO GET THIS POINT GET YOUR FULLY CHARGED ASS IN HERE PRONTO - CHROME, THAT IS A PYRO WHAT ARE YOU ... OH FFS." "Hay guise I just respawned lol, let's get that über up so I can try to kill some people!"

26. Intern: Accumulate 7000 heal points in a single life.
- This is going to be another somewhat of a cakewalk. Gravel Pit, RED, good-enough team so that we can hold B, and this should be pretty easy.

27. Specialist: Accumulate 10000 heal points health in a single life.
- If only I could stay alive...

28. Chief of Staff: Accumulate 10 million total heal points.
- HAHAHAHA I HAVE ONE MILLION AND A HALF. I really hope those count towards the achievement.

29. Hypocritical Oath: Kill an enemy spy that you have been healing.
- With my Sixth Spy Sense this should be fairly easy. I want to know that do I have to actually overheal them, or does a quick little heal do the trick?

30. Medical Prevention: Save a falling teammate from dying on impact.
- I'mma just have a friend jump down from Gravel Pit Cap C. Hehe. A Soldier or a Demo, you know, they can shoot themselves until they're veeery low on health, and then they'll jump and I'll just catch them. With the medigun beam, that is.

32. Autopsy Report: Provide an enemy with a freezecam shot of you taunting above their ragdoll.
- I've always wanted to do this! I always forget to taunt ater kills. I've done it ONCE. I was chasing a Scout, who ran into his resupply room, and I fired a crit rocket before the doors closed and I just heard the crit hit and saw a message of having killed the Scout. That's when I taunted. Adding insult to injury, I know how much it sucks to die a feet away from the resupply cabinet (not that it would've helped at all, it was a crit after all...). Evil.

33. FYI I Am A Medic: Use your bonesaw to kill 5 enemy spies who have been calling for "Medic!"
- I love the nod to the Youtube video. But yeah, this is my day job anyhow.

34. Family Practice: Uber-charge ten of your steam community friends.
- I don't even have ten friends on Steam (only eight), but that's actually pretty easily fixed. Circlejerk, I'm looking at you.

35. House Call: Join a game that one of your friends is in and then deploy and uber-charge on him.
- And now I'm looking at Slaverstrike, this is gonna be so easy.

That's a lot of reading.

Anyway, Christmas is indeed coming early this year. I'm still refusing to get excited, because VALVE TIME. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the update comes next week - the earlier the better - but I'm still sceptical. It IS Valve after all.

And here, have a quick Engineer drawing I whipped up at TF2Chan's oekaki board.