FFFFFF.

Oh god what.

So, I was taking a little break from TF2, and when I returned to my usual few-hours-a-night schedule, I found myself sucking. Quite horribly.
Until tonight. Christ. For the record, I've been drinking again. Decided to play a bit, because you've probably noticed how I have almost a habit of getting wasted and then wasting the entire evening just fragging people and being amused at how I'm not that bad of a player when I'm drunk (and yes, I am very aware of the fact that I am indeed a gigantic nerd and have no life).
So yeah, I was playing as Heavy on Gold Rush and being once again surprisingly good at it (especially after last night's failfest. I don't wanna talk about it).

But then I switched servers and found myself on Dustbowl. Stage Two. RED. First point had been capped, so my team had already fell back to the last point. I went Medic, seeing that they didn't have any Medics, and started healing.

Result?

1. Within two minutes I was on top of the scoreboard, above all the players who had been on the server before me.

2. Intern. 500 FUCKING HP AWAY FROM SPECIALIST FFFFF I'M PISSED (Most health healed record is now 9,498 FFFFF I STILL GET PISSED OFF WHEN I LOOK AT IT. SO CLOSE. SO. CLOSE).

3. And most points record, 24, whoo!

And the best (/most fucked-up) part? At some point after I had launched my second über I started getting 1-5 fps. I'm not shitting you. I was getting some serious lag and I don't know if it was the server or my connection. And still I managed to get two more übers and stay alive until BLU capped the point.
I stuck around for a few minutes on third stage, but at that point the lag was getting so ridiculous I had to stop. Much to my chagrin. Stupid lag, I was doing so good!
And at that point half the team was going Medic and stealing my Heavy, so it was completely my cue to leave. What the hell is it with those people: no one wants to be a Medic in the previous round, then I jump in and dominate the scoreboard and then everyone else wants to be Medic too?
I completely understood when few people went Medic after I went all "LOL GUYS I'M GETTING LIKE 1 FPS MAYBE I SHOULD STOP" in chat, though. But I'm drunk, you don't have an excuse.

And here, scoreboard at the start of stage three:



But yeah, it's nice to know that I'm still a fucking kickass Medic even when slightly drunk and with the lowest framerate possible. HA HA HA I really hope that won't happen ever again. I was insane to stick around after I started lagging.

Goldrush!

So. Right.

Goldrush?

Is love.

I'm absolutely loving the map. I'm still pretty lost on it, I haven't even been to every hallway or used every route, and more often than not I find myself going the wrong damn way. Huge map is huge. The first time I was defending on third stage I ran in circles for the entire setup. I left the respawn, had a Medic stick to me, and a few seconds later I found myself BACK in the final checkpoint area and went completely WTF (I suppose there's a shortcut, just like in Dustbowl's stage three? I followed everyone there, but then turned the wrong way and ended up back in our respawn). And the poor Medic was clinging to me the entire time, haha. I was sure he was going wtf is that goddamn Soldier doing, is he lost or what. Didn't leave me, though. (That Medic was a mystery: he kept sticking to me although I was lost half the time and I wasted a few of his übers, and yet he STILL kept giving them to me). Then I followed the tracks (thank GOD for the tracks) and found my way to the cart after BLU had already capped it, heh.
But yeah, I've only played like four games on Goldrush, and most of the time haven't gotten through second stage. And I've never seen BLU actually win, the third stage's final checkpoint favours defense immensely. It was IMPOSSIBLE to get around the last corner after our offense broke. And it was very easy not to let BLU get through when we were defending, although we won with the cart being inches away from the final checkpoint, heh.
Also I don't understand how captures work on Goldrush. Are the stats broken or something, or do you REALLY get a capture each time you get to the cart and make it move? Not only on checkpoints? I was suddenly getting like five captures/life and was pretty surprised because of it.
The map also seems to be buggy as hell. I don't know if it was the map or what, but I got pretty disoriented at one point when the teams changed and my HUD remained RED even though I was in BLU. And when I got übered, I was glowing red. My crits were red. So most of the time I was firing at my own teammates and getting killed because I kept ignoring the REDs. And I was also pretty drunk at that point, which naturally added to the confusion. Ouch.

And, oh, one of the best parts about the map? The way the announcer goes totally fucking insane on third stage when the bomb is nearing the final checkpoint. Her laugh is priceless. I couldn't stop laughing the first time I heard it.

I was playing Soldier like I said I would be, changed to Medic only once to get the Chief of Staff achievement (I have over 1,5 million healed, so all I had to do was to change to Medic, get the medigun out, and I got the achievement), and so I can't really talk about the unlockables or achievements yet.
I can talk about them from an outsiders' point of view, though, so here we go: there were actually not that many Medics running around. Four was a constant amount, sometimes there were more and sometimes less (I was on a 24 player server), but I didn't even once have TOO MANY Medics in my team.
And goddamn, yes, I had a harem at times. Hee.
I saw quite a lot of Blutsaugers already. They're not really terrifying, but damn it if I don't want one. There were a few Kritzkriegs (of which I will talk about in a moment), and I even got killed by an Übersaw at one point. I also saw people use the damn console command. A player enters, we get announcements of the said player getting the three milestone achievements, and then he was running around with the Übersaw. Thank god Valve already removed the commands, and I'm seriously hoping they'd find a way to roll back the achievements/weapons that people have got by cheating. I believe it's easier to root out those who have the weapons but don't have any other achievements but the milestones. I'm not bitter, I just think that cheating like that is pretty damn low.

But yes. The Kritzkrieg.
As a Soldier? The Kritzkrieg's THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER FUCK YES. I was defending in Dustbowl stage three when I had a Medic with the Kritzkrieg stick to me, and in mere moments: CRIT ROCKETS. EVERYWHERE. Holy fuck I almost came, that's how awesome it was. I saw enemies starting to scatter in panic once they saw the crits, but there was nothing they could do, because even the splash damage was killing people, and oh god it was A THING OF BEAUTY.
After that, whenever there was a Medic with the Kritzkrieg healing me, I actually started paying attention to them and trying to keep them safe, because yeah, I will do anything to get the charge given to me. I'm a total crit junkie, yes, but dammit, you've got a streak a lucky crits before, right? You know how great it feels? How about ten fucking seconds worth of crits?
YEAH.
IT'S THAT GOOD.
Also, the Kritzkrieg is the most terrible thing ever in the hands of your enemies. A Kritzkrieged Pyro charging right at you? I literally panicked. A skillful Soldier with a ten second crit streak? Fucking terrifying. A Heavy? Even from a significant distance that's gonna HURT. A DEMOMAN? FUCKING EVER-LASTING CRIT STICKIES FGSFDS. A melée combat Medic way too close for comfort? Fuck this shit I'm outta here. As in, goodbye cruel world.
The horror of being face to face with a Kritzkrieged enemy is enough to make you forget that they're not in fact immortal. I didn't even once fire at them, I just RAN and tried to hide, resulting in getting killed.

And then some interesting little observations from yesterday.
So, I am usually playing on "Newbies Only" servers. Not because I'm a noob (the regulars over there are seriously not noobs on any scale), but because I've got to used to playing there. The atmosphere is accommodating, there are no horrible assholes, and all the regulars are pretty nice. Plus they're vanilla servers with only the official maps in rotation. And truth to be told, the skill level of other players is on par with mine, that is to say that I don't get my ass completely kicked all the time, and when I have a good day I'm often topping the scoreboard. The lack of teamwork every now and then pisses me off, of course, but that's what you get from playing on a public server. And I can live with that. I rage, but I can live with it. Heh. The only downside is that I've always played with a ~150 ping, but I've got used to it and I'm doing pretty fine with a high latency like that, so I'm not complaining. At least 150 isn't completely insane.
Anyway, yesterday I was playing on a totally random server. I just randomly picked one from the list, requirements being "vanilla," "24/7 Goldrush," and "an agreeable latency (ie. under 200)." Ended up on a 24/7 Dustbowl/Goldrush server (because you know how much I love Dustbowl), with a latency of 20 or so.
I was quite sure I'd end up being steamrolled because I've been playing with "noobs," and I have NO IDEA how my playing skills match with people who supposedly are not newbies. But I steeled myself and thought that I'd just change servers if that ends up being the case. Or suck it up and try my best.

So as it happens, I'm not being steamrolled at all. Quite the opposite. After the first game in Goldrush I was there in the middle of the scoreboard. But after that, Dustbowl, and I'm topping the scoreboard. For the entire goddamn game.
And I was drinking. So I was at least a bit tipsy, if not outright drunk.
Sure, part of it could be the latency, maybe the other players weren't that great (but I, uh, was dominating all the team-stacking clan players in the enemy team...) or whatever, but it doesn't change the fact that I was fucking owning.
After that round I was on top of the scoreboard even in Goldrush (and I wasn't even familiar with the map yet!), and kept wondering what kind of super Soldier do I turn out to be whenever I've been drinking. Haha.
And like I told you, every other player was NOT a Medic. And I had Medics stick to me, but not all the time.
Here, have a scoreboard screenshot, so you can see I'm not making this shit up:


Yeah.

Anyway. I'm going to play some more Goldrush now. I still have a bottle of wine, so I'll probably find myself going fatty at some point (Medic harem, I want one). Or maybe I'll go Medic and aim to übering Scouts and getting the "assist in bonking three enemies" achievement. Hehee.

Breaking scores!

I have no idea if I'm any good as Soldier or am I just ridiculously lucky.
I don't spam anymore, and I've noticed how I'm starting to calculate the opponents' possible movements and firing rockets accordingly. So at least I'm getting better, that's for sure.

But take today, for instance: first few maps I absolutely suck. I can't hit anything, I get killed by Pyros (yes, Pyros are still my archnemesis. If you really want to kill me when I'm Soldier, go Pyro and run straight at me. Then laugh at how I succumb to your flames like a Spy), I get killed by anything that's shot at my general direction. And the enemy team wasn't even too overpowered: we were doing quite well.
I suck and I refuse to change classes, because I'M SERIOUSLY NOT THIS HORRIBLE AT THIS, LEMME TRY THAT AGAIN.
Then again, maybe I was just having a bad day. Spies were completely raping me whenever I went Engie (they were good Spies, I admit, because bad ones don't cause me much grief) and this one Scout brat (seriously, the player was a kid, he used a mic. And to me all children are annoying and obnoxious, so excuse me. How do I mute?) kept owning me. Goddamn there's nothing as annoying as someone probably almost fifteen years my junior playing the one class that Engineers usually dominate easily, just effortlessly owning my ass whenever he stumbles by.
He was really good, I give him that.
And there is magic again in Granary, because for some reason I was on top of the scoreboard there. As Soldier. And our team didn't suck, it was actually a pretty damn good team (we didn't win, but it's because the enemy team was even better, duh). But for some reason Granary is my Soldier playground, I always do well there. Strangely enough.
Wasn't a completely rotten Medic when I went one, but oh well. Even racked up some kills in Gravel Pit. Two kills within few seconds: ASSAULT MEDIC. I absolutely hate all them badass Medics, because it's always kinda embarrassing to get killed by syringes. It's completely awesome when I do it, naturally.
And before you ask, for me ze healing comes before ze hurting: I rarely attack as a Medic. Only when I'm cornered or alone (because seriously I ALWAYS have better things to do than kill someone: except when there is no one else around and that goddamn Pyro is heading for our intel), when I KNOW I can get the kill, or when it's a Spy.
But yeah, I've clocked about 33 hours as a Medic, and my kill count is maybe a hundred, so I really don't do much killing when I'm Medic.

But then. Suddenly, I am a kickass Soldier.
It all began when I once again managed to jump on top of cap B in Gravel Pit just as some übered enemy ensemble was rushing the point, so I finally got to cause suffering by firing rockets from the windows at the adorably unaware enemies standing on the point. Aww three defenses. I ran out of ammo pretty fast since I didn't have a dispenser handy, but at least I managed to thwart one of their capture attempts.

Then. Dustbowl. RED. Stage Two. I managed to stay alive from the capping of the first point to the end of the round. Which ended in our victory. I didn't even think about it, but I kept running all around the place, had one Medic healing my ass whenever I was in need (he didn't stick to me, which I think was a good thing, because when I have a Medic I have this tendency to be a bit braver, which usually ends in a gruesome death. YEAH STICKIES ON THE FLOOR WHO CARES 8D and then "boom!"), and if he was not close by, I returned to the nearest dispenser for health and ammo. We kept the enemies pretty far from the point, they didn't really get through the tunnels.
The result?
20 points in one life. 20 fucking points in one life. That's like... I almost spewed my tea all over the monitor when the next round started and "You had more kills as Soldier that round than your previous best - 16" announcement popped up. I hadn't even thought about it! Came as a complete surprise! I kinda realised I stayed alive for a very long time (like I've told you, I die a lot, and I die fast), but I had no idea the whole round was THAT successful! I thought I had maybe gotten eight or so kills.
So, 16 kills, 2 dominations, I'm not quite sure were the rest two points destructions or assists, but who cares. Also damage dealt record and longest life.

Now my Soldier stats don't look so pathetic anymore! My best score before was 9 (which is kinda really pathetic since I've played so much as Soldier. 30 hours, eh. But look at the bright side! At least the thirty hours have taught me something!).
And yeah, it's my best overall score, Medic and Engineer come next with 16 points. Go check my Steam ID if you wanna see more of my stats, no use talking about them when you can just see them for yourself.

Yes, I am aware that the scores don't really matter, but we've gone over this a few times already, so let's just skip it this time.

Also I had no idea how much I would actually end up enjoying playing as Soldier.

And I don't even remember when's the last time I was so embarrassed by something: I was playing in Dustbowl, I was in RED, and we were getting our asses properly kicked by BLU. People were whining how the team sucks and we WERE pretty bad, I admit.
Then Steam kicked me, for some reason or another, and I had to reconnect to the server. So I'm in the team selection screen, the teams have an even number of players and I'm thinking that I'm still gonna go RED because I would have to try to make a difference and come on, it would be simply HORRIBLE to go BLU since they've been owning us.
And then I ACCIDENTALLY CLICK THE BLU DOOR. D: I got in, so I chose a class and quickly returned to the team selection screen because I AM NOT GOING TO DO THIS OH MY GOD, and I see as someone else enters RED and I can't change teams anymore.
I was so embarrassed. I was hoping RED would be able to defend (this was Stage Three) and we would lose because oh my god. Every time someone killed me I kept thinking what they must think of me, how I'm a sore loser and oh god, I totally deserved that crit 'nade or whatever.
We didn't get the last point, so at least justice was served. To me, anyhow.
(It also wasn't a surprise why BLU was so superior: they communicated really well.)
What makes it even more embarrassing, is because I always get really angry when autobalance hits, some poor sod is tranferred to the losing team, and they immediately disconnect and try to get back into their old team. I think it's probably the lamest thing ever. Way to take the game a bit too seriously, dipshit!
And yeah, I hate it too when autobalance hits, but I would NEVER disconnect and try to join my old team. Take the epic Dustbowl match a few days back, when I got switched to RED. I was annoyed, but I just sucked it up and started killing my old team mates. And I ended up having so much fun and actually winning, so.

I also have my own headset now, but I still chicken out of actually using it.
And "comfortable to wear over long periods" my ass, I wore it for five hours and now my ears hurt like sons of bitches. It's also not very practical with glasses, stupid neckband. But! It's got good-enough sound and the mic works, so I'm not going to whine. A lot.
Now if I could just get over the fact that I sound like an idiot, and actually use the thing. I speak very good English, damn it, but when I get nervous I start stuttering and my otherwise so normal (albeit probably strange to native speakers) accent turns into this stiff Finnish accent and I pronounce words all wrong and ouch.

I had a dream last night in which my sentry chimed in over 300 kills. I was really disappointed when it didn't happen in the game today. :D
But I killed another Engie with a pistol (I've never gotten a pistol kill before, I abuse the shotgun most of the time). The dirty bastard was sneaking around in our base in 2fort, trying to put down teleporters, so I had to plant a few bullets in his cranium.
And I don't know what it is, but übered Heavies don't strike any fear in my heart when I'm an Engineer. I'll just camp behind my sentry and wave my wrench like a nutcase if one is approaching, IF I CAN KEEP MY BABY UP THE HEAVY WILL DIE THE MOMENT THE ÜBER FADES MWAHAHA. Most of the time it works, as long as the Heavy doesn't get too close. Minigun sprays bullets so wide I only take stray hits and my dispenser keeps me pretty much alive.
But if it's an über Demo (or a Pyro with a Medic who knows what they're doing) that's coming at me, I'll be gone in a matter of seconds and putting up another sentry somewhere else. With Soldiers I'm on the fence: even one crit means death and destruction for me and my baby, but if there are no crits, I can easily keep the sentry up and running. Damn crits.

I once again had a horrible team today in Dustbowl. I was once again on top of the scoreboard as a Soldier. :/ But we were pretty much doomed from the start: we started Stage One with six fucking Engineers, one Demo, one Pyro and one Soldier (me). OUCH. Just guess how long it took BLU to cap both points? NOT VERY LONG. Engies kept them away from Cap A for a few minutes, but after that our entire defense fell apart and the second point was capped in a matter of seconds.
On Stage Three we owned for a little while, kept them in their spawn for almost ten minutes, and even after they capped (silliest cap ever, for fuck's sake, one goddamn Spy got through and just capped the point by himself while we were fighting off everyone else. To be honest, I didn't even notice our point being capped (too busy killing Medics) until someone yelled "KILL THE GODDAMN SPY!" over voicechat, and I nailed the bastard like a second too late. :< But hey, we still kept them in their spawn for a few minutes after that, which was pretty cool), they made one of the biggest mistakes BLU can make on Stage Three, and ignored a teleporter exit in our respawn exit (the one that closes once Cap A is capped) and we managed to rape them properly from behind once they had advanced to the last corner. <3
We lost, but like I already told you, I was the highest scorer, so.

And hey, I got a new score record for Demoman today! :D
So I told you how my regular server has new sudden death modes. Everyone goes melée and is forced to be a certain class. It's really lol inducing when everyone goes Medic and abuses the E key all the time, or when everyone goes Engineer and we can't even build dispensers and so everyone spams "We need a dispenser right here!" hehe.
Anyway, on 2fort everyone was forced to go Demo.
And somehow I managed to get three kills and one defense (the guy with our intel ran right at me and I got a lucky crit), so WHOA FOUR POINTS. My Demoman stats look still pretty pathetic, though. :D (For the record, I've played about 12 minutes as a Demo).

And why do I STILL giggle like some idiot when someone asks something silly (like "How can I enable quick weapon switch?") in chat, and someone answers promptly "F10."
And then a few people disconnect. Ahahah, still makes me laugh. So cruel, but so very amusing.
F10 is seriously the answer to everything.

And so much for trying other classes: I went Engineer in 2fort, Soldier in Granary, Dustbowl and Gravel Pit, and Pyro in Hydro. Le sigh. But at least I also tried Pyro in Well! Was a bit lost and didn't score as high as I am used to scoring as a Pyro, but it wasn't completely horrible. Plus hooray for circle-strafing first level sentries.