You are a loose cannon sandvich, but you are a damn good cop!

Lookie what I've got!



It did take a bit long (I've been mainly playing as a Heavy for a few nights now), but as you probably know, I'm not that good a Heavy. All thanks to Sonneteer who kept sticking to my ass (even when I'm munching away on my sandvich in respawn and while THE CART IS NEARING THE CHECKPOINT... yeah, I didn't notice anything, enthralled by my brand new beautiful sandvich, but apparently Sonny kept laughing until we got out: yeah, the cart is moving and I'm camping in respawn, all JUST ONE SANDVICH YOU GUYS THEN WE CAN GO) and helping me to get several of the achievements.
And having a darling Medic running to me with a full charge when I'm getting out of respawn after getting headshot... gotta love it.

And for fuck's sake, if a mediocre Heavy like me can get a bunch of achievements in a few hours, playing just like I normally would, anyone can. I understand if you want the unlockables NOW NOW RIGHT NOW I CAN'T WAIT, go ahead and farm, none of my business, but I fucking hate it when people whine about the achievements being too hard. And yeah, the idiots who come to a non-achievement-grinding server and run around boxing or trying to taunt... well, they're idiots. And they deserve their bans.
But it's possible to get most of the achievements - the 20 required for the unlockables - in regular gameplay without acting like an idiot. Why don't people understand that?
And yeah, I'm probably the only person who finds getting the achievements fun: farming them would take all the fun out of it. I don't even mind the unlockables being tied to the achievements. I don't mind that I don't have them from the get-go. Because getting them is not impossible.
Sure, getting the Spy unlockables would be impossible for me, but I don't play as the Spy, what the hell would I do with the Spy unlockables?
Jesus Christ, people are idiots.
Newsflash.

Besides, I'm learning some new tricks all the time while playing, and I don't think I've ever been a complete drag to my team while insisting to play as Heavy to get the achievements (and today I was an MVP several times, so it could be that in fact I might be even somewhat useful and learning something! Le gasp!). Sure I would be doing better as a Soldier or Medic or even a Demo, but hey, you can't expect to get better at playing as a certain class if you never actually play as that class.
So I'm slowly learning. And getting the achievements while I'm at it.

So, the Sandvich? Well now I know what I'll be doing during all the setups from now on. OM NOM NOMing away. I forget to use it in battle, and this far I've consumed a grand total of one sandvich when I actually needed some health. It's pretty useful, gotta admit. Especially since all Medics (except Sonny) hate me.
And it's pretty horrible to run out of Sasha ammo while you have the Sandvich equipped. Not that I've ever even killed anyone with the shotgun, but I feel much safer running to the closest ammo crate when I'm holding a boomstick INSTEAD OF FISTS. And running out of ammo while übered? Yeah, that's a whole different nightmare.
Also, I want to be able to hit people with the Sandvich! Come on, it would be epic!

And I'm probably getting Natascha after a few matches: while I don't have that many achievements yet, I have several that are just missing a few kills/captures/whatever. Party Loyalty is 46/50, Factory Worker 14/20, Soviet Union about 20/25... Pushkin the Cart, Lenin a Hand and Purge I'm also getting pretty soon.
And, yeah, I have (in addition to the five I already mentioned in some earlier post) Class Struggle, Stalin the Cart, Supreme Soviet, Own the Means of Production, Crock Block and Five Second Plan. And the first Milestone. So, four achievements and then Natasha will be mine.

I also have a new-found respect for Snipers. Because as a Heavy? Fuck I hate them.
I never thought I'd want a team with more than one Sniper, but the final checkpoint on Gold Rush? Yeah, I kinda wanted half of my team to go Sniper just to keep the three ominous figures standing there on the balcony in check, so that I could peek around the freaking corner without getting a bullet between my eyes.
Stupid fucking Snipers.

And today marks the first time ever, when as a Demoman, I didn't panic or get nervous at all when I was übered. We're on Dustbowl, attacking, the third stage just started, and a Medic with a full charge sticks to me right out of the blue, informing via voicechat that Chrome, we're now going to take down the sentries.
So I was like "OKAY!" and went there, and took the sentries out, all cool and calm and collected, and then we rushed the second point and won within fifteen seconds, I think. MVP, bitches.
That was awesome.
I've been playing a lot as a Demo, too, since Badwater is hella awesome for causing some serious sticky havoc. I'm even starting to like being an offensive Demo: I usually played Demo more on defense, since it's easy to just lay down the stickies on the point and camp nearby. Now I find myself going Demo on offense too, since I don't have to lay my stickies anywhere and I can use them as remote-controlled regular 'nades and I'm getting better at using them like that. THE MAYHEM. IT IS SWEET.

And now I'm forced to take a little tiny break from playing: real life insists on interfering. But at least from next week onward I'll be sharing an apartment with another TF2 player, and we'll just see how deadly a pair me and Slaverstrike can make once we can actually communicate. That is, yell from one room to another. I'm definitely looking forward to it, haha.

Hee hee.

HA! This ain't so hard:



And I didn't even have a Medic stick to me, they all ditched me right after setup (Medics really hate me, even when I'm doing well they hate me. Then again, I do better without Medics because I get so nervous when I have one and if they über me... well, I start failing in epic proportions) so I plowed my way through the stage all by myself.
And that Dustbowl match ended in 54 kills, 32 assist and dominating half of the other team, so all in all I'm suddenly doing pretty well as a Heavy. I have no idea what happened.
But the most surprising round was another match in Dustbowl. I joined the server in the middle of stage two, after the first point had been capped, and still ended up as an MVP. That was kinda cool.

I'm also surprisingly good at reserving ammo. I've played a LOT as Heavy last night, and only ran out of ammo once. And that was right after an über (thank god not in the middle of it). It's probably because I've got so used to playing Soldier, and I'm nearly neurotic about keeping my reserve rockets over 10 at all times.
But yeah, I was quite sure I'd end up chewing through my ammo in a matter of seconds and not realising to scavenge dropped weapons, but luckily that was not the case.

And playing as Heavy makes me hate Snipers even more. Like I told you, I have this intense fear of (good) Snipers, I choke whenever I see a Sniper dot or the tall figure in the distance and I send a suppressive rocket their way and I try to run and jump and be unpredictable and "D:" and hoping they wouldn't hit me but I know that I'm dead and yes, they always hit me.
And because I'm often playing with such a high ping, I often think that HA I MADE IT after I make it behind something, and half a second later I get hit. Damn lag. Same thing with Heavies: I think I managed to dodge their hail of bullets with 20 or so HP left and damn, still they hit me when I'm already behind the corner. Well at least I know it's my ping, and don't go accusing anyone of HAXORZ. Same thing with facestabs.
But anyway, I hated Snipers as a Soldier because I'm slow and everything, so I'm pretty easy to hit, but at least firing rockets at them makes them retreat instead of continuing to take aim (unless they're already aimed to my giant head, and one click away from a fully charged headshot of doom), and I can escape unscathed (or at least with a few HP left from a failed headshot), but with Heavy? Shooting at them from the other side of the goddamn map does nothing and is hardly an effective way to make them retreat, so most of the time the dispute ends in me being quite dead. I had one goddamn Sniper dominate me on Dustbowl's third stage last night. Whenever I as much as peeked around the last corner - BOOM! Headshot. And there was no way to kill him, goddamn, before I saw which side he was on and proceeded to shoot at him in vain, he would just calmly take aim and dispose of me. And the Heavy is slow as heck, especially when spinning Sasha, so there is no way to get out of harm's way when I'm shooting. Damn Snipers. And of course my team had no Snipers to draw his attention, so I was pretty much screwed.
And I hate Snipers on Gold Rush, oh god I hate them so much.

What does kinda ruin playing Heavy for me is my lousy framerate (I'm getting a constant 20 - yes, I can't WAIT to buy a new goddamn graphics card). Low framerate and lag make it sure that circle-strafers kill me so thoroughly it's not even funny (and I should probably adjust my mouse sensitivity whenever I'm playing as Heavy). I hate getting bonked to death. Damn Spies fail a backstab and then just easily circle around me to try it again. And Pyros? Oh god. I just flail and shoot and try to turn and close but no cigar.

And a funny story of WHY Medics shouldn't EVER über me: I'm Heavy, Slaverstrike's Medic, and he's sticking to me during some Gold Rush setup. I tell him that übering me isn't a really good idea, you should know, I'll waste it anyway, go find someone else to give it to, but he insists on giving it to me. So, the setup ends, the gates open, we rush out and he übers me.
And a second after the charge hits me, the game freezes. It goes completely dead. I literally LOL, and I laugh while waiting for my computer to restart (yeah, it was one of those wonderful little crashes when nothing but restarting works) and oh god, it was priceless. Had to tell Slaverstrike "TOLD YOU SO!" (and apologise for actually wasting his über) and hahahaha oh wow.
We only make a good team when I'M the Medic and HE'S the Heavy. Haha. Other way around it's just something simply atrocious.

Oh yeah, I got complimented as a Medic! The whole thing was pretty far out considering how rotten I am at staying alive, so my Heavy wasn't the only one surprised. We were playing in Hydro, I was following this Heavy around, and I was taking quite a lot of damage. At one point I was in flames, HP dropping dangerously close to zero and we were closing in on the enemy's cap point. And we had another Medic, who of course ignored me completely (I was expecting better out of her, damn it, she's a really good player and I don't think I've ever been as bitter about not getting a heal as I was back then), so the only thing I could do was to follow my Heavy in, with six or so HP left. Ha. He was really worried, telling me to go get some health, but damn it I was THIS close to getting an über, and we were so close to the cap point and I wasn't going to give up, so I kept healing him, almost died of fright when a goddamn Pyro tried to charge us - luckily not from behind - and I got my charge and we hit it and capped the point.
And when the next round started the Heavy told everyone how I had stayed alive for the longest time ever with so little health left and I was going ":3" by myself. That was totally reckless. And awesome as hell. I have a little bit of badass in me.
And damn that Heavy was probably the most polite player I've ever played with. He apologised when he accidentally took the health kit from me (it's hard to not take it when you're trying to get the ammo right next to it) or when he failed to kill the Pyro charging us from behind and killing us, and he fell back when I was taking damage, saying we should wait for a moment so I could regenerate some health and awww. Why can't everyone be like that?
Also damn I love every player who communicates with me when they're running out of ammo and I have a full charge. Not everyone can take sentries down with a goddamn shotgun (I've übered Slaverstrike so many times when he's out of rockets, and he charges a sentry nest with a shotgun and actually takes stuff down with it, but if it was anyone else but him I would probably be pissed), so people, if I'm sticking to you with a full charge, please please please indicate in some way or the other that you're out of ammo if that is the case. Switch to your secondary weapon! Fall back! Use the voicechat! Anything! I hate nothing more than übering a Heavy and all I get is CLICK CLICK CLICK.

Damn the Blutsauger is one sexy weapon. I'm liking it a bit too much right now. It has saved me in situations in which I would've died with the regular syringe gun, Spies don't stand any change against me anymore (the Blutsauger is awesome for spychecking: even when they're in disguise you can leech health from them and SEE IT) and it's just generally the most awesome weapon ever. I even killed a Heavy with it, hee.
And I completely love it when I dominate some poor player (by assists), who then goes Spy and tries to get a revenge on me, just to end up getting killed by me. Again. <3 Honey, if you need to get a revenge on me when I'm Medic, Spy's the one class that can't kill me as unless you know exactly what you're doing (ie. you can't let me see you. At all. A complete surprise is the only way).
And I'm getting closer to Kritzkrieg. I'm hoping I would get it by playing Medic normally, I don't want to start übering Scouts and melée Heavies and disrupting whatever it is that our team is doing. I'm 16/39 through the achievements, so I only need nine.
And I've got Preventive Medicine and Hypocritical Oath since the last I wrote, both by playing just like I would normally play. Hypocritical Oath came as a surprise, it was Goldrush, second stage, last checkpoint, and I was healing everyone in the reigning chaos. Apparently I healed some Spy as well, then heard one of our Engineers exclaiming about a SPAH and I'm apparently really becoming a goddamn Engineer midwife, because I instantly whipped out the Blutsauger and killed the Spy who was trying to sap the buildings. Got the achievement. Didn't even think about it.
So yeah, this far I've got all the achievements by playing Medic like I normally would. Looking forward to getting Big Pharma (I'm positive I can do it in a completely regular game, my assist record is already 19, after all. I'm counting on Slaverstrike), Grand Rounds (already over 100 into that one - damn it, people, now we want you to spam the hell outta E, so why don't you do it?!), Infernal Medicine (about 30 into that), Doctor Assisted Homicide, Intern, maybe Specialist, Second Opinion, Autopsy Report and House Call. Those are the ones I think that I can get by playing normally.

Also, I'm now trying to get the hang of playing the Heavy. I like being a Heavy, it's just that I suck as one. I have my good moments, today I played a couple of minutes without sucking at all! Didn't waste an über, destroyed some buildings, killed a couple of people, and then got wrenched to death by an Engineer, because my Medic had fucked off somewhere. That bitch. Medics hate me when I'm Heavy. Sadness.
And that's what I need: I just need a patient, persistent Medic who will stick to my sorry ass even when I don't get that much kills. It's pretty hard trying to learn to play as Heavy when I can't even stay alive, because people are firing at me from five different directions and the goddamn fatty is so slow that I can't drag my ass to safety before I'm Swiss cheese.
And then I'm trying to be more careful, which just ends in me being a) backstabbed, b) headshot, c) meléed to death by someone who had easily sneaked behind me or d) crouched behind some corner spinning Sasha and being useless because I'm just waiting someone to come to me instead of me going to them.

But Heavy's going to be my next "I'm Learning To Play This Class!" project. Hey, it took me four hours to not suck completely as Soldier, and almost twenty to be any good as one, so I think I'll just have to endure being a horrible, noobish fatty who's hated by Medics. I have to get the hang of it eventually. Right? Right?
And I need more classes to play as, seriously. I only have four: Medic's starting to be my career class because it's the only class I actually feel I'm good at, no matter the situation, and Soldier's my feelgood class (complete love/hate relationship, btw: as Soldier I just CAN'T BE GOOD, whatever it is that I do. I can top the scoreboard and still feel like I suck, and it bothers me SO MUCH. Did that make any sense? No? Love/hate relationship. I wish I knew how to quit you, Soldier, damn you). Engineer's my "there are no Engineers so I'll be one" class. And I've never been a good Pyro on any other map but Hydro. I gave up on Sniper after four hours of playing, because goddamn I hate Snipers. I don't like being a Sniper, because I know how goddamn useless I am when I'm one.
And I'm still chickening out of playing as Spy, I'm an absolutely appalling Scout and a Demo (and I don't think I'll ever bother to learn to play as either of them, I just can't use Scout's abilities to my advantage and I've always been terrible with grenades, I can never predict trajectories right and my timing simply sucks), and Heavy... yeah.
But no, I wasn't good at any class from the get-go, I shouldn't give up on playing a class after an hour of playtime. Of course I'm a relatively good Medic, I have fifty-four hours as Medic. Of course I at least know how to handle the Soldier with the insane sixty-three hours of playtime as one. I've had my fair share of successful Engineering and Spy-owning in thirty hours. I've played as Heavy for an hour and a half, I shouldn't be so surprised that I still suck as one. Same with Spy: I think Spy has the highest learning curve out of all nine classes, and I have one hour of playtime as Spy. Of course I suck as a Spy!
I just hate screwing up our teamwork by being useless.

I'm also starting to love Demomen when I'm Medic. I'm finding myself sticking to them far more often than I stick to Soldiers, for example. Nothing beats good fatties, but damn, good Demomen are serious harbingers of doom. Today was the fourth time within few days that I've been primarily sticking to a Demoman. And if the Demo knows what he's doing when I über him... the destruction! The carnage! Pipe bombs! Gibs! Sentry parts! Everywhere! It's beautiful. Yeah I admit I'm a total assist whore (but just for the record: I get most of my points from healing, not from assists. I've been on top of the scoreboard with over 20 000 healing and less than 15 assists), but I'm starting to notice that good Demomen get any job done way better than good Soldiers do. The only downside is that Demos are pretty much screwed if enemy gets close enough (laying stickies to their feet does kill the enemies, but they often suicide as well by doing that), and if enemy gets close to my healing target, they usually get close to me too, which makes me screwed as well. Except that with the Blutsauger I now have a tiny little chance of making it out alive, but it's still something I'd rather not go through.
But yeah. I love them Scottish cyclops.